I want to be your DRUG...

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine


Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their message away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

bitter like me.

itz been a tuff week. i'v lost my space. no privacy. my room, my sanctuary, my crib, nw, itz jz a space. yea well her boyfren is injured. so he has to stay here so tht she can care for him. i wish i had more money so i culd jz get a room for myself. without havin to watch wat i watch evryday. kinda gettin on my nerves. but hez injured. n bein the good human bein tht i am, i jz have to suppress my thoughtz of annoyance. crap.
added wit all the stress frm studies. itz another thng i hv to live with.
totally suckz. thnk god, im bloggin. a fren of mine said, thankz to bloggin we can nw save the trouble of knockin on the psychiatrists' door.
to b sittin in ur own room like a friggin stranger is torture, it totally suckz.

and finding out tht the boy i like is nt exactly single isnt much of a help either.
i duno if it'z the luck this place bringz me or jz tht i shdnt b here in the first place...
nthn is workin out for me in my social life. everythng is annoying.
itz only been a mth since i came bak. n im already feeling lonely... this is bad. coz i'v got the next whole 9 mthz to spend here. n im nt liking all tis. i dun get it y i get all negative wen i write. mayb tis is wat they call pouring ur heart out...

m missing home.family. missing them all. missing them loadz. i'd take a flight n go bak tomoro if i culd. if only i culd. dun feel much of a doctor. dun feel like a lot of thngz anymore. feel wasted. again. itz jz like itz a nightmare without an end. goes on and on and on. if ther was an ending, all i want to be is DEAD. the feeling is inevitable. but itz nt a lie n itz ther. the feelin exists.
im bitter all over. :'(

why do we want wat we cant have?

i jz dun get it. y am i jealous of his girlfren??? crap. beginning of an episode of torment for me. time and time again. i need a new booty call. neva hav an attached guy as ur booty call. lesson no.1.
lesson tht i cant seem to be learnin coz im makin the same mistakez over n over again.
argh im driving myself nutz. itz jz crazy. my world is crumbling.
being me is jz so difficult.

another week beginz. m gona be runnin around hospitalz. hopefullyi culd take my mind of him.

so here i am. in ukraine. again.
itz still sunny. summer isnt over. at least for some.
for me ?? itz bak to bookz n lectures n tonnes of runnin round to get thngz done.
it was hard leavin home. alwiz has been. still nt quite used to it even though itz been 3 years since i've left home. i do return home evry summer. yet leavin has never been easy. this time wasnt an exception.
i do miss home. i miss evrythn about it. evrythn.
lots of sacrifices hav been made so i can be here. pursue my dream. yea im pursuing my dream. medicine.

summer holidayz was a blast. made new friendz. chilled out. pigged out. was fun! spendin time wit ash doll was a bonus. nw i miss tht lil brat! nthn like home i say!

m here now.
my goal is only one tis semester. study.
coz they say itz the toughest year in medicine. 3rd year. one of the most crucial years for a student like me. went for pharmaco n radiology class. din understand a damn thng tht russian dude was saying. thnk im gona teach him hw to speak proper english! was miserably boring class. talk bout staying spirited!

and one more thng im getting used to; people still ask me if i hav a bf... my answer...silence.

tomoro microbiology! clostridium perfringens is calling my name out loud!!! time flies!