fallen soldier

this lil soldier cant soldier on any longer. there are more reasons to quit than to stay on and fight this neverending fight! i cant muster any more courage. i hate tis point of life. keepz gettin worst. if this was a tunnel, itz a damn long one. mayb without even an exit coz i dun see any light! surrounded by darkness. i cant even talk to anyone coz i hav no one to talk to. my head is filled wit a thousand mind boggling questions, to all of which i hav answers to none. wat shd i do now? shd i jz slit my wrist n see hw much i bleed?? shd i jz watch the blood oozing out of my veins?? coz i dun thnk i wana believe in souls or heaven or hell.
i thnk itz a big, fat hoax!
itz getting harder to breathe.
wat am i still doin here??
wat will happen if i jz threw in the towel??
wat if i jz disappeared into thin air??
wat if i din exist any longer?
why am i still doin this?
nothin is makin any sense anymore to me. i thnk all i need is some pillz. or mayb im jz depressed n surprise! i'v got no one to talk to.
i feel so alone. never felt more alone in my life than tis. crying doesnt ease the pain anymore. jz keepz worsenin. hw much longer must i do this??? i jz want to be happie. at least nt depressed. i dun mean to b a social outcast but itz much easier nt to make an effort. therz no way out of tis. if i quit, i cant thnk of anythn else tht i culd do. im such a freakin loser. im plastered into tis. no turnin bak or going forward. jz stuck. stuck for good. it'll all jz be easier if i jz did it! jz took the bloody shortcut! jz slit myself. but m a coward. im lost. im losing my mind anyhw. cant explain.shame.